Isolationist Tendencies

While I probably enjoy a good party or hangout as much as the next guy, I am not a true extrovert, and I occasionally find myself seeking out solitude in order to relax or just be alone with my thoughts. Sometimes, you just need to get away from the excitement to really enjoy yourself. Of course, this sort of physical isolation is only temporary, and rather different from the sort of habitual environmental obliviousness (and conditioned social isolation) seen in people nowadays.

iPhones, computers, and web-based social networking are a major staple of the Twenty-first Century. They have really changed how people interact and connect with each other, and we’ve all grown used to it. Most communication is done via text-based messaging over distance, and it is not uncommon for pedestrians to walk about staring at their phones. Audio and video messaging are also not unheard of, and it can be quite disconcerting to hear someone wearing earbuds suddenly start speaking as if to thin air when in reality the other participant is just elsewhere.

Such electronic devices are very distracting, as every other PSA on texting while driving has probably mentioned. Contrary to what some might say, the human brain cannot multitask; it can only switch its focus one thing at a time, and rapidly switching focus between two different tasks means the amount of concentration on each task is reduced.

Therefore, it is stupid easy to sneak up on someone texting on their phone or listening to music, possibly more so than two people having a conversation (sneaking up on people is lots of fun).

However, there is more to digital communication than just obliviousness, some of which I find interesting, some of which I find scary. for example, in teenagers, a recent study showed that the number of likes an image got factored more into their own preference for the image that what it actually depicted. Apparently Twitter and Facebook make kids more susceptible to blindly conforming to the majority (not that their predecessors where much better). Also, personal self-esteem these days is often dependent on validation from peers, usually in the form of likes or responses to posted content.

And then there is social isolation. Social network technology is great for keeping up to date on who’s who and what’s where, but the attention given to it cuts us off from those around us. While what causes what is not exactly certain, studies show that there definitely is a link between use of social media and feelings of social isolation. Perhaps social media is the causes, perhaps it is just the retreat for those prone towards feeling loneliness. I suspect it is somewhat of the latter, but with the added addition of that it does nothing to effectively alleviate one’s loneliness.

With texting or online interaction, you have a great deal of control on what information you give about yourself, but the degree of separation needed for such also precludes the potential for intimacy. Of course, the amount of distraction and feelings of connection involved is enough to keep one from actively seeking to connect with somewhat in the physical world, especially when the internet can provide a safe retreat from in-person awkwardness, which otherwise would just be weathered and would allow for the strengthening of personal connection. This is probably a much more serious matter concerning parents and children; it is frustrating for a youngling to try to make eye contact with a parent who is too busy checking their email, or to feel like they are being dismissed when the parent is currently too busy online to interact with them.

Fun fact about loneliness; those who know how to handle being alone feel it less often. The problem with social media is that it helps promote a mindset where personal validation is directly tied to feedback from others, yet the degree of separation provided by the screen of pixels means that one is not getting the full-on experience of truly connecting to a person. At the same time, retreating into one’s phone is not going to foster any skills at handling conversation or social interaction.

Personally, I think most people could benefit from a decent walk in the woods, either alone or with a friend, just so they can easily detach themselves from their virtual lives. It is also a good idea to focus more on the other people around you when having a meal with family or just hanging out with friends. Chances are, if you are on your phone or computer, you are missing out at quite a bit of stuff happening around you (says the guy alone in his room, typing at a keyboard).

Granted, I do not find new media to be wholly evil or detrimental. I very much like social networking and the fast communication, resource sharing, and gossip gathering for which it allows. However, every seemingly good thing has a tradeoff, and the more you use it, the greater the tradeoff gets. Therefore, I would assume that it is best to use it in moderation, as well as to make sure it does not interfere too much with physical interactions.



Being Antisocial

When I was a teenager, I was somewhat of a loner; I kept to myself, rarely socialized, and was rather quiet and laconic. To some, I might have even seemed avoidant or unfriendly (although I did have a few friends with whom I would let my guard down). Unsurprisingly, I would occasionally be referred to as “antisocial” by my peers, which everyone ( including myself) generally used as a synonym for  words like “aloof”, “introverted”, and “shy”.

Turns out those words are only synonymous with the colloquial definition of the word. The proper definition of antisocial (according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary) is “averse to the society of others” or “hostile or harmful to organized society”. In other words, it is used to designate disruptive or delinquent activities or entities (unorganized crime and the like, I guess).

Learning the dictionary’s definition of antisocial lead to a websearch of the term, which immediately lead me to Antisocial Personality Disorder.

ASPD is basically a mental condition where a person consistently exhibits a complete disregard for social taboos and the well-being of others. Symptoms include a lack of empathy and remorse, the manipulation of others for gain or pleasure, impulsiveness or failure to plan ahead, hostility and violent/aggressive behavior, an arrogant sense of superiority, irresponsible and deceitful behavior, and abusive relationships. Naturally, people with ASPD tend to engage in behavior such as theft, vandalism, assault, and the like. A person with ASPD will have likely been diagnosed with Conduct Disorder during childhood and early adolescence (in fact, evidence of CD is apparently required for an ASPD diagnosis).

While people who have ASPD often get called psychopaths or sociopaths, there apparently are definitive differences between these terms, although there is no reason why someone with psychopathy or sociopathy cannot have ASPD as well.

For the most part, all three conditions share similar symptoms (lack of empathy, manipulative behavior, etc.). As far as I can tell, the main difference between psychopathy and sociopathy is that the latter is the product of genetics and neurological abnormalities (part of their brain does not work) while sociopathy is apparently the result of environmental influences coupled with a possible predisposition towards antisocial behavior. Sociopathy is a somewhat informal term that used to be a synonym for psychopath, but these days is more likely to designate a non-psychopath with ASPD, which is apparently a relatively broad category in which psychopathy sits as a specific subset. At the same time, people with ASPD are defined as being unable to confirm to societal mores, whereas there are cases of people who fit the profile for psychopathy and are able to live rather normal, non-disruptive lives. Interestingly, a couple studies show that criminals with both psychopathy and ASPD tend to be worse offenders then those with just ASPD.

Psychopathy, being the result of genetic deviance, probably does not have a cure that does not involve brain surgery. There is very little information on whether or not Antisocial Personality Disorder by itself can be cured, since most people with it are not the type to seek out treatment.

There is still some debate on the differences between psychopathy and ASPD, as well as the proper numbers of people who have both or either.

What is certain is that shy, introverted people do not really fit the generally profile of someone with ASPD.

Note: ASPD is applied to someone who persistently engages in anti-social behavior, which is basically any activity that is considered (at the least) to be socially inappropriate, or that displays disregard for the well being of others. It still does not seem really applicable to quiet, background people (except from the point of view of those who consider loners to be freaks).




Antisocial Personality Disorder Symptoms

Antisocial Personality Disorder

Antisocial Personality Disorder – Brito and Hodgins

What is a Psychopath?

Anti Social Behavior

Anonymity and Men in Grey

I used to share an apartment with a cousin of mine named Graeme (he moved in with his fiancée not too long ago). Graeme is a rather mild-mannered, introverted math major who generally presents himself as a tolerant and thoughtful individual. He is also an avid hunter, fisherman, and all around outdoorsman. Basically, he is good at observing the physical world around him without disturbing it.

It was Graeme who introduced me to the concept of the “Grey Man” back in 2011 (he had apparently chosen the term for his instagram handle). A grey man apparently is someone who does not stand out from the background, who is able to not draw attention to themselves and whatever skills or resources they possess. He (or she, or xe) is generally well prepared for any sort of problem and deliberately acts and dresses in manner that leaves practically no impression. Basically, it seems like a term applicable to a successful spy or a survivalist in hostile territory (unsurprisingly, it is quite a popular concept on various blogs and forums centered around survival theory, disaster scenarios, and possibly the US constitution’s second amendment; links to some that I found are located below).

Naturally, the professional, pragmatic anonymity of a grey man is much different from the anonymity of a mob, a mask, or a web account, where people who just happen to have their identity obscured feel the need to behave in a most noticeable manner. When one’s identity is hidden (or if one thinks that their identity is hidden), then one may behave in a less inhibited manner.

In the case of the internet, there is the “Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory”, which is referred as the Online Disinhibition Effect” in more polite circles. When communicating with someone online, you cannot physically perceive them, nor can you really expect any immediate or severe consequences for what you might say. Therefore, you are less likely to censure whatever message you want to give. Naturally, this has happened even with people on social media who use their real names and share the site with people they know in real life.

Incidentally, general lack of inhibition means that people online are more prone to being flirty and affectionate as well as full of rage and obnoxious opinions. On an unrelated note, disinhibition in general is found in psychopaths (at least according to Wikipedia).

An individual can and will also act with less inhibitions in the physical world when they are part of a larger crowd. The anonymity of being part of a larger whole results in deindividuation, a term that I learned recently refers to lessening of individual identity in favor of blind obedience to a group goal. The size of the group makes it easier to lose the distinctions of individuality and lesson any individual feelings of responsibility, which means each individual has experienced a reduction of risk apprehension and similar behaviors. It is through deindividuation that ordinary people become looters, form lynch mobs, and give in to crowd hysteria.

The wearing of masks, especially identical masks, probably increases the amount of deindividuation and resulting disinhibition that occurs. For the record, I think that deindividuation is required to get soldiers to function properly in a unit, and can potentially be used effectively in nonviolent protesting as well (if the crowd’s objective is to be peaceful, then everyone is going to be peaceful, dammit!).

Obviously, the masking of identity involved in a mindless mob or online antagonisms is antithetical to the grey man, who deliberately crafts and utilizes their anonymity to further a longterm goal of survival, rather than winding up in circumstances where a person feels that they can safely give into their short-term impulses. One of a grey man’s objectives is to avoid the attention of the deindividuated mob.

On the subject of my cousin, Graeme used the moniker for his social media account as a joke about his tendency to stick to the background and go unnoticed when people watching, as well as his decent survival skills. However, he does have an online persona that differs somewhat from his “normal” one. While not an asshole, Graeme is definitely more prone to sarcasm online than he is on real life, and is slightly more willing to share opinions on political and social matters (he also likes to post images and links related to mothman, MIBs, and similar spookiness, mostly due to the fact that “Grey Man” also happens to be the name of a famous ghost, and he thinks it would be in character for his pseudonym to like such things). For the most part, he is still laid back and non-impulsive; he just happens to be developing a distinct online alter-ego as well.

Fortunately, Jekyll and Hyde situations probably have no basis in reality (but I will investigate, just in case…)


Sources from which I gained information:

Gray Man Strategies 101: Peeling Away the Thin Veneer of Society

Becoming The ‘Gray Man’: 10 Ways to Blend In and Survive

How To: The Modern Grey Man Philosophy

How the Internet Created an Age of Rage

The Online Disinhibition Effect


You Are Not So Smart – Deindividuation

Coastal Observer: The Grey Man